It’s not a matter of LIKING him. He’s our boss. We’re supposed to fear and respect him.

askcavejohnsonceo:

The original “Mashy Spike Plate”.
The moron can’t even make an original idea.

Sir, he was programmed for bad ideas, not original ones.

askcavejohnsonceo:

All you people with your damned fine art skills making doodles.
Well I’m not too shabby with a pencil, so here’s a days worth of crap from my notepad today.

Oh, Jenkins. What a numbskull.

Sir, that is definitely a noble steed you’ve drawn there. Even if it does remind me a bit of something I saw on a kids’ show once. Vaguely familiar.

askcavejohnsonceo:

Congratulation Subject!
It’s been a long day and I’m sure you could use some liquid refreshment.
So here, enjoy a full glass of cold, delicious milk*.

(Please note; you will be charged $4.99 per glass of milk. No, you cannot keep the glass.
*Milk may be from any mammal able to produce lactose, or anything that seemed like a good idea at the time. Who are we to say that you can only drink cows milk?
Aperture Science retains the right to your organs should the milk cause violent discharge or death.
Side effects may include: coughing, laughing, anger, depression, hematomas, polyps, cancer, super cancer, testicular cancer (especially in females), gonorrhea, anal bleeding, astigmatism, stigmata, awkward social situations, blindness, brittle bone disease, no bone disease, herpes, death, zombie, vomitting, projectile vomitting, bleeding from the ears, an intense like of Homestuck, urinary discharge, sex change, or mild fits of sneezing.
Please tell a test associate should your erection last more than 6 hours.)

Enjoy!

askcavejohnsonceo:

….is this one of our gadgets Lab Boys?….Or is there some severe copyright infringement going on here?

Better not be the latter….not again.

Damned Black Mesa putting our good name on….personal massagers…..

What is that… The date on the photo’s just a couple of days ago. Did we… Steve, did you? 

Is it really copyright infringement if they’re doing it to better Science, sir?

vovat:

Koalaphant

Steve. This is getting old. You leaked YET ANOTHER one of our projects? Seriously. Are you incapable of not talking to people?

I should get this for Steve. He might learn a thing or two.

This could be the COOLEST BOOK EVER. SO MUCH SCIENCE INSIDE.

whyiseverythingonfire:

Repost this!

For Science.

The image says it all.

sarcastickatt:

lieutfaber:

Relaxation capsule, right?

Best review 

Uh, Steve? You didn’t tell me you got the stasis pods from FREAKING AMAZON DOT COM. And WHO LET THE TEST SUBJECT NEAR A COMPUTER? For god’s sake. The Feds’ll be at our door in a heartbeat if they see that review.